He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
