I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
