i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
