I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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