I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
