Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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