Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
