google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
