Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
