sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
