her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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