Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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