Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
