But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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