Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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