Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
