Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
whose parrot is this?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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