perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
