An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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