I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
