my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
love makes seman taste better
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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