I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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