Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
