My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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