You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
