i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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