If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize