She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
