The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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