well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize