a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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