could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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