Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
