You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
