The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
