What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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