I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
