wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
