just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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