Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
