I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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