At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
