i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
