the condom got lost in my hair
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
