i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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