also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
