So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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