dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
