she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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