Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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