very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
