I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
