And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
