It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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