Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
