Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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