Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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