I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
