i was born a porn star she said
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
