it's too hot outside to masturbate.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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