Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
