This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
