watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dick very happy bro
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
