You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
