she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
