Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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