Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
