Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
